To Be or Not To Be a Mother


Our society is still very much built on the assumption that as a woman you will want to become a mother if you’re not already one rather than accepting that this is (or should be) a choice for women.

I remember reading old stories about women being sent back to their family for their inability to have children, being discarded like they were somehow less valuable. I’m not so sure we’ve progressed as far from those days as we’d like to think.

Some women make the decision to have children and everything follows as planned. Others find themselves pregnant and are plunged into motherhood whether or not that was their choice or intention.

There are a growing number of women that make a conscious decision not to have any children these days and also plenty of women who desperately want to become a mother but are not able to conceive no matter how hard they try.

Some women love to stay at home with their babies and others can’t wait to get back to work.

We are all individuals. We are all unique.

Women’s roles and the expectations surrounding them are changing but there is still a lot of pressure within our society to hold on to the old roles and a stigma attached to those that seek to break free. This might be revealed in dinnertime conversations or pressures from within ourselves or families and friends, even strangers we meet along the way.

And if you are a mother, there is again an expectation to match that “2.5 children” statistic. If you only have one child, you are asked why not more. If you have more, you are asked why so many.

Why do we seem to be obsessed with fitting everyone in a box with a pretty label on it? Why are we trying so hard to fit ourselves in boxes like that?

Science has already told us that, although we have a huge amount of similarities with each other, we are all unique individuals.

Why are we trying so hard to mask that uniqueness?

We need to break those preconceived patterns and ideas if not for our own sake than for the sake of our children. All our children whether we gave birth to them or not.

Change is always difficult and it’s almost never straight forward. Yet, it is so much needed.

And change starts with us.

Every single one of us.

Men and women.

Supporting each other with acceptance, love and joy.

I have seen so many times women attacking women about their decision to have or not have children and even when that decision has been taken away from them by life and circumstances.

It seems to me that we are so deeply hurt that we don’t feel comfortable in the presence of strong women. Women that forge ahead one step at the time regardless of what life deals them. We become the bully. Back in the box. Why should they venture outside of the pre-ordained path?

I have been blessed to have a child at a point in my life when I felt I was ready and I consciously prepared to be a mother. Well I thought I was preparing… nothing can prepare us for becoming a parent. But that’s a subject for another day.

I am dreaming of and praying for a world where unconditional love and support is the norm not the exception.

A world where no one rises stepping on others, or is put down so others feel better.

A world that is inclusive not exclusive.

A world that values our uniqueness as a gift not as a measure of how much or how little we fit in.

A place where we honour each other as children of the Divine.

Unconditional love and support does not come easy but the more we practice the better we get.

I would love to know what kind of world you dream of or pray for.

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